How Coaching Helped Me Let Go of “Fixing” and Start Listening

If you’ve ever felt the urge to jump in and “fix” someone’s problems, you’re not alone. I certainly did — especially early in my coaching journey.

Coming from journalism, where digging for answers and uncovering the truth was the goal, it was hard to resist the impulse to solve. To offer quick fixes, to provide solutions, to be the person with the answers. After all, that’s what we’re trained to do — to chase clarity and closure, to close the story.

But coaching is a different kind of conversation. It’s not about offering solutions or giving advice. It’s about empowering clients to find their own answers, to discover what’s already inside them waiting to be unlocked.

That shift wasn’t easy. It meant quieting my own voice — the one that wanted to jump in and “help” — and instead learning to listen deeply. To really listen.

I learned to mirror body language, notice what was said and unsaid, and reflect back what I was hearing without judgment or interruption. It’s amazing how much space opens up when someone knows they’re truly being heard.

When people feel truly heard, they begin to uncover their own solutions. They tap into strengths they didn’t realise they had. They grow in ways no advice or instruction could ever achieve.

This realisation changed how I coach — and how I live.

I began embracing clean, open-ended questions that don’t lead or push, but invite. Questions like, “What’s the real challenge here for you?” or simply, “What else?” These questions open doors to deeper reflection and exploration, helping clients uncover motivations, obstacles, and insights that were hidden beneath the surface.

I’ve learned to trust the process — to hold space without rushing in to fix, to resist the urge to offer quick answers or tidy conclusions. It takes patience and discipline, but the payoff is powerful: coaching becomes a collaboration where growth is authentic and sustainable.

In this space, breakthroughs often come disguised as small moments — a pause, a hesitation, a quiet insight. They’re not loud or dramatic; they’re subtle shifts that gradually build momentum.

We'll discover where your lighthouse is

Over time, I’ve also embraced creative tools that invite clients to explore their feelings and perspectives in new ways. Metaphors, for example, can reveal surprising truths. When a client describes feeling like “a ship lost at sea,” it’s an opportunity to explore what’s steering them, what the storms feel like, and where the lighthouse might be.

Chairwork is another powerful technique. Having a client “speak” to different parts of themselves by shifting chairs can uncover hidden emotions and internal conflicts, making abstract feelings more tangible.

All these tools serve the same purpose: to create a safe, open space where clients can explore without judgment, uncover their own wisdom, and take steps toward meaningful change.

Letting go of the need to fix has made me a better coach. And a better listener. It’s a lesson I carry into every session — and into life beyond the coaching room.

Because truly listening isn’t just a skill. It’s an act of respect and connection. It’s a way of saying, “I see you. I hear you. You matter.”

When we listen like that, something shifts. People feel seen and valued, and from that place, real growth becomes possible.

If you’re ready to be heard — truly heard — and find your own path forward, I’d love to walk alongside you. Coaching isn’t about me having the answers. It’s about creating a partnership where you find yours.

And that, for me, is the most rewarding work there is.