Unlearning: The Hidden Skill Everyone Needs

Most of us spend our lives mastering the art of learning. We take on new challenges, pick up new skills, and constantly try to stay ahead. But there’s a quieter, often overlooked skill that’s just as vital to growth: unlearning.

Unlearning isn’t about forgetting. It’s about questioning the habits, assumptions, and thought patterns that once served you but may now be standing in your way. It’s the ability to look at what’s familiar and ask, “Is this still helping me, or is it time to let it go?”

Many of us don’t get stuck because we stop learning. We get stuck because we stop letting go.

If you’ve been in your role, your business, or your routine for some time, you’ve probably built up a set of go-to strategies that work - until they don’t. One person I worked with came to coaching because they felt they’d lost momentum. They weren’t sure why. As we talked, it became clear that what was holding them back wasn’t a lack of skill or motivation, but an attachment to doing things the way they’d always been done.

By unlearning the belief that being in control meant doing everything perfectly, they began to create space for new ideas, new collaborations, and a healthier sense of ease. The irony? Letting go of control gave them more of it. Research shows that the brain resists unlearning. Once we’ve repeated a behaviour enough times, it becomes automatic; a mental shortcut. Even when a new approach proves better, our brains instinctively cling to the old one. That’s why change can feel so hard, even when we know it’s needed. Unlearning is an act of courage. It’s the conscious decision to step out of what’s familiar and explore what’s possible.

In practice, it might look like pausing before jumping to a conclusion and asking someone else’s view. It might mean questioning whether the “best practice” you’ve always followed still fits the world you’re working in now. It might mean catching yourself saying “that’s just how things are” and deciding it doesn’t have to be.

So much of what drives us sits below the surface - assumptions about what’s expected, what success looks like, or what we should be doing. Coaching helps bring those patterns into the light, so you can decide consciously which ones to keep and which ones to leave behind.

Unlearning also means letting go of the myths that quietly shape how we see ourselves. One common one is that you always need to have the answers, that competence means certainty. In truth, curiosity and openness are far more powerful than having it all figured out. Another myth is that being constantly busy means you’re achieving more. But when you finally stop and reflect, it’s often clear that the busyness has become its own habit - one that crowds out thinking, creativity, and growth.

Unlearning those myths doesn’t make you less effective. It frees you to show up differently with clarity, focus, and authenticity. When you unlearn, you create space for what’s next. Instead of being driven by old rules or outdated fears, you start to act with intention. You begin to build from who you are now, not who you were five or ten years ago.

Someone once told me after a session, “I thought I needed to learn more to move forward. But actually, I just needed to stop clinging to who I was.” That’s the essence of it. Growth often begins not with adding more but with letting go.

So as the months ahead fill up and work ramps is at full speed, take a moment to pause and ask yourself:

What might I need to unlearn to move forward? What belief or pattern might be quietly limiting me? What would happen if I stopped doing what’s always worked and started exploring what might work now?

That’s what coaching is about. At YouAndMeCoach, I help people pause, reflect, and see themselves more clearly. Sometimes that means learning something new, but just as often it begins with shedding what’s outlived its purpose.

If that idea resonates with you and if you’re ready to create space for what’s next, get in touch.

Your first 30 minutes are on me.

Transform. Thrive. Together. James YouAndMeCoach.com